"The soft breeze is cool as I sit watching the gaggle of guys fooling around on the track. Seated in the shade of the trees lining the edge of the track area, I simply lack the energy to get up and join in." "It's been a week since that terrible day. Might as well have been yesterday, as far as my memory is concerned. The image of her sitting there, knife in hand, solemnly contemplating the end of her existance with those distant eyes still makes me feel physically sick. I'll never for get that scene, no matter how long I live." "Suzu hasn't been at school since then, with her parents having collected her. A cover story of unspecified family issues was given as the reasoning for her temporary disappearance, which seems to have stuck. Like all good rumours, it had just enough truth to be believable, and few dared ask questions of the girl who'd just flattened a guy over her." "A piece of bread in its plastic wrapper suddenly dangles in front of my face. Despite not having an appetite at all, I take the packet just to get him off my back." "As expected, it's Hisao who takes a seat beside me. He and Haru are the only others who know the truth, beyond the teachers and staff. As for Suzu and her family, I haven't heard a peep since that fateful day." mik "I'm not hungry." his "I don't care." "His tone is harsher than I'm used to, and with little fight left in me, I obediently rip open the thin packaging." "Even if I'm loathe to admit it, the smell of fresh bread playing on my nose does incite a small hunger. The two of us end up eating our lunches side by side, the distant sounds of playing and shouting drifting in the air." "As we munch away, I can't help but say what's on my mind." mik "It feels weird, doesn't it? Everyone else playing around, completely oblivious to what happened." his "Yeah, I know what you mean. It's like everything diverged from that moment, with the rest of the world in a different timeline to the one we're in. Nobody treats us any differently, but in a way, that's the problem." "As always, Hisao's the one to find words where I struggle for them." his "I know you lied about the relationship between you and Suzu, back when I asked." mik "Sorry. I just... I wanted a clean slate, you know? Someone who I could deal with as if none of that crap had ever happened." mik "I guess that's kind of impossible now, huh?" "Hisao just looks to me expectantly. I can't keep this from him any longer, and after all the support he's given me, he deserves to know." "I take a long breath, thinking back to those days. It isn't something I enjoy doing." mik "I suppose you've gathered by now that I used to be an unpleasant kind of person." his "Yeah, something like that." mik "Most of the kids who enter Yamaku are pretty well-adjusted, normal folk. Just your usual kids who happened to have some shit luck. I wasn't like that." mik "After I lost my hand, I guess you could say I went off the rails. I got off on beating people, to put it bluntly. Pretty much anyone who I didn't like the look of, but mainly those who looked down on me. I'd always been built pretty damn well, by the standards of a girl or a guy. That strength was damn near all I had left, so I used it." his "A real delinquent, huh?" mik "Nothing so romantic. I was just a shithead bully. Nothing more." mik "Over the years, I got a reputation. One I deserved, mind you. People didn't stand up to me, and I could see the humility people had if they felt they'd gotten in my way. I'm not gonna lie; it felt good. I felt powerful again. It gave me a twisted sense of accomplishment and status." mik "But one day, I met someone who didn't know about that reputation." his "The day you met Suzu." "I give a nod." mik "I don't remember everything about that day, but I do remember the way Suzu looked." mik "She was sitting on the ground near the storage shed. Could barely see her between the legs of the three girls and some guy who were standing around insulting at her. Something about the situation annoyed me, so I walked up to them and challenged the girl who seemed to be leading the little charade." his "That's pretty admirable. Standing up for her when you didn't need to, that is." mik "Yeah, that would be admirable. I still don't know if I genuinely wanted help her, or if just had a chip on my shoulder that day." mik "In any case, the girls backed off after recognising me, but the guy made the mistake of picking an argument. I think he was the boyfriend of one of them, or something. He started going off about Suzu, and how she'd screwed up something or rather. I honestly didn't care much." mik "But then he made the mistake of insulting me. I can't recall what he said, but something inside of me tripped." his "What happened then?" mik "I broke him." "Silence wishes over us, Hisao leaning back as I realise the dark face I must be making right now as I remember the event. The ambient noise of people playing around ahead feels slightly surreal, given the atmosphere." his "You didn't kill him, did you?" mik "I wasn't far off. I just... I went absolutely beserk on him. I don't even know if I got hurt or not; every part of my mind was purely dedicated to destroying his body." mik "If a couple of teachers hadn't found us and dragged me off the guy, I really don't know what might have happened." "I take a breath to pull myself out of the moment. Hisao just looks on, understandably speechless as macabre images fill his thoughts." "This is the first time I've told anybody this stuff myself, come to think of it. Such things tend to get around quickly though, so everyone in school at the time largely knew, in vagueries if not in detail." his "And Suzu?" mik "I remember seeing her face as the teachers pulled me away." mik "No, not her face. Her fear. I'd never seen someone so terrified in my life." mik "I think that was the first moment I realised what a detestable being I'd become. That someone could look at me, and see something that gave them that much fear." his "For what it's worth, I'd never have guessed it. You've always seemed like a pretty laid-back kind of person to me." his "Now that I think of it, what happened afterwards? Surely you didn't get out of that without punishment." mik "I was pretty much set for expulsion. By that point the staff were looking for an excuse to throw me out, and it's not like I had any friends willing to come in and bat for me." mik "But then, one day... it was never mentioned again." his "They dropped the matter?" mik "Yeah. It was the strangest thing." mik "It was so bizarre that my curiosity got the better of me. The staff weren't going to tell me anything, so I ended up fingering the student council for information." mik "Turned out that they'd taken up my cause and argued that I had my reasons. That Suzu was being bullied, and I was defending myself after trying to argue them away from her." his "Why would they do that, though?" mik "Beause a particular girl told them that's what happened." "Seizing on the lull in conversation, I set about finishing the bread in my hand. Hisao just looks out to the field ahead, thinking on what I've said." his "So you felt a debt to her?" mik "I'm not the kind of person to worry about that sort of thing." his "Yeah... I noticed." mik "Asshole." mik "Rather than a debt, it's more... I felt useful to someone." mik "That's why we ended up hanging around each other. Suzu had no friends, so when I was around, she wouldn't get bullied, and had someone to help if she had a cataplexy attack or suddenly felt sleepy." mik "As for me, it was mere curiosity at first. Working out why she'd done such a thing. After a while, though, I realised that I had a purpose again. I could live for Suzu's sake." mik "That girl saved me." his "You shouldn't forget that you saved her. It's a miracle you got to her in time." mik "Saved her? I did no such thing. It's my fault she even fell that far to begin with." mik "I thought I could change. That I could somehow redeem myself. In the end, it was all a fantasy." his "Suzu told me something once. I didn't understand why she felt about it so strongly then, but now it makes sense." mik "Yeah?" his "She said that she didn't believe in the concept of 'good people' or 'bad people'. Just people, who do good or bad things." "It's the kind of hopelessly naieve thing she'd believe. She's lived a sheltered life, after all. That's not a bad thing in itself, but her innocence because of it makes her attempts to form a worldview look childish." "From the way Hisao's smiling, she managed to get at least one believer. It would be nice to think that I'm somehow a different person to twho I was those years ago, but I imagine those I hurt would have very different opinions." "A buzzing sound suddenly comes from Hisao's pocket, his hand quickly diving in to retrieve his phone. He looks to me with an expression of surprise after glancing at the display." his "It's Tsubasa..."